Does It Hurt Now? Now? NOW?

Lately, I've been feeling terribly sad that I've made it this far in life without learning to swordfight. I started "signing up for" fencing classes as early as my teenage years, but my commitment (more like my state of physical fitness!) has never taken me beyond a few sessions. On Monday, I resolved that I must address this ASAP, because what if I died without knowing how to swordfight? My god, what could be sadder than that?

It's pretty gosh-darn convenient that I would decide this at a time when my sword arm is definitely out of service. Months of shoulder pain have brought me to a point where it is hard to unfasten my seat belt, much less draw a sword from my side in a sweeping flourish! I know, I know, learn to do it with your left arm, not your right, but I'm not trying to be the Dread Pirate Roberts. So, yesterday I brought my sword arm to my orthopaedic surgeon to have him take a look-see.

When I saw the good doctor last September, he diagnosed my right arm with an irritated AC joint. At that time, he showed me how he could press down with just one finger on a specific spot and, like magic, the pain would radiate down to my hand, just as I described it.

"Oh, do it again! Do it again!" I squealed. Um, not really.

At yesterday's visit, I told him it felt like something different. It wasn't like the frozen shoulder that I had on my left side and it didn't extend down to my hand like the AC joint problem. Instead, I had trouble reaching up, moving my arm backward, and various things like that. And it hurt like hell at night. How can I fight off other pirates if they approach from above? I mean, I've seen how they can swing in from an attacking ship - this could be a problem. But even more worrisome, how can I just plain get myself out of the hammock come morning?

The doctor tested my motion and resistance, complete with digging his fingers into a new spot and saying, "this probably makes it hurt." Eyes watering, I tried not to whimper as I nodded, "Mmmm-hmmmm, sure does."

I like this guy. I really do. But, ow.

So, it turns out that I have bicipital tendonitis and maybe a tear in my rotator cuff (though he says I'm young for that). We won't look into the latter issue unless treatment for the tendonitis doesn't work. I asked, hesitantly, if this was from computer work. He gave me a definitive no as he wrote the prescription for an anti-inflammatory, and I smiled happily to myself. Yay! This is like permission to continue typing 18 hours a day! Whee!

(When I got the cortisone shot for the AC joint last summer, I listened very carefully to what he said. While he said that injury probably came from my home improvement binges, he never said I should stop. I know. I listened. Never said, "stop doing that." So, I didn't. You pretty much have to be a lawyer to provide me with medical advice, because I'll always come back with, "Well, you didn't say that.")

Upon arriving home, I looked up bicipital tendonitis online and found out that it is common with golfers, rowers, swimmers, and weight lifters. Pretty much people moving their arms over their head. I told Kathy that I really couldn't understand why I would get it, other than from climbing the rigging in my dreams.

"But you like rowing," she said.

I paused for a long moment. "I like the idea of rowing. I like to imagine rowing. I don't actually row."

"Oh," she said, disappointed to not have found the answer.

But, you know, she has a point. I do fantasize about rowing a lot. Which would qualify this as a fantasy shoulder injury. Hmmmm. Does this mean that I can just imagine taking the anti-inflammatory for a couple of weeks and be done with it? I let you know how that goes.

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