Wouldn't Want to Waste the Appointment

(Note: parts of this are not for the squeamish)

Last Tuesday, after I left a message my surgeon's office about the new lump I found in my breast, I got the best customer service ever from UCSF. I know I bitch about their horrid customer service all the time, but this time was different. My surgeon's nurse called me back within 30 minutes of my message, and within 10 more minutes, she called me back with an appointment for the following Monday (today). That's lightning fast compared to anything I've experienced before.

However, by Tuesday night, I decided that I had made a big deal about nothing. The lump, which is not on the breast that had cancer, is close enough to the site of a surgical biopsy to be scar tissue. I have no idea how I never noticed this scar tissue before, because I certainly noticed the scar tissue on the other breast. But, you know, I bet that's what it is and I'm just suffering from hysterical amnesia.

As soon as I figured this out, I thought, oh, gee, this is going to be so embarrassing. I am going to waste my surgeon's precious time, having her check out a non-suspicious lump that I magically never noticed in the two years I must have had it. I am insane!

So, I called the surgeon's nurse on Wednesday morning and alerted her to the non-issue. I suggested she give the appointment to someone who needed it more and added, "Because apparently I am now stark raving mad." She laughed and said that I might be stark raving mad or I might not, but they'll see me on Monday anyway.

I was going to have to deal with the embarrassment. Dammit. I comforted myself with the thought that I have to have the surgical follow-up anyway, whether this month or next. It will at least be uneventful.

But then, by the next day, something else started going on with my breasts. The incision on my other breast started looking strange. That's the breast where I had a surgical biopsy last April and a lumpectomy in the April before that. After last year's biopsy, it took a full five months for the incision to close completely, probably partly due to radiation damage. In that time, I had to wear my bra 24 hours a day and take repeated rounds of antibiotics. I probably complained a lot. Stupid breast. But it did close up in September and since then it has been looking really good, just healing away.

And then, last week, in what can only be a desperate bid for attention, the incision started to turn strangely white and the skin began to peel. You know, like with a sunburn. After another couple of days, the skin started to feel disturbingly thin. And this morning, I woke up to find the incision was open again and leaking stuff out. EW.

Now, okay, so it's a little hole, not some gaping chasm. Even so, I happen to be patently against spontaneous openings in my body. The incision closed. Months ago. It should stay closed - Alix's rules! Who wants to go thinking that their surgical incisions can open again on their own? That's so gross and...oh, gee, I'm sorry I typed that. Everybody think of birds and bunnies, okay? Let's have ourselves a Cinderella moment. La, la, la...mice are making our dresses...pretty bird song...okay, back.

On the good side of things, at least I have an appointment. And funny, it's for today! How conveeeenient. You don't suppose that my breast is trying to help me save face by making it look like I had a real reason to see the surgeon? Really, it needn't have bothered - I could have stomached the embarrassment. But my guess now is that now I'll be back on Keflex every six hours and I get to renew my relationship with my bras. Woo-hoo. That's still better than cancer, though.

Do you like how I worked this entire thing out even before leaving for the appointment? Which reminds me, I better get ready! My what-happened-at-the-doctor appointment update will be so anti-climactic.

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